The “D” word

Have you ever had someone say something like to this to you?

“Oh, you are married to a med student/resident/doctor? Ya know, my cousin/best friend’s kid/dog walker was married to one and they never had any time to spend together and they got divorced.”

Photo credit: telegraph.co.uk

Photo credit: telegraph.co.uk

Now, I try to confront life head on, and am aware of the perception and reality of heightened divorce rates for medical professionals. B and I discussed this in length before he started school. However, what is the intended response to a statement like that?!

“Oh God! I had no idea? Medical school seems so easy and allows for so much free time!” OR ” Yeah, so do 50% of all marriages, honey”.  I’m learning to take it in stride and go home and hug my husband.

I haven’t been married for all that long now, but from what I gather EVERY marriage takes work, just maybe a little extra finagling for MWMS types of marriages. A friend who was at one time a med student (now a resident) gave me some sage advice that worked for her and her husband when she set out to begin med school: write some rules. Rules for your relationship in terms of expectations, wishes and requirements throughout this four-year stretch of life.

I know, rules? When I hear the word “rules” I think of elementary school and tattle tales or horrible books about why “He’s Just Not That Into You” because you are a sad, pathetic sap of a human being. However, she made some excellent points and had a “been there, done that” perspective.

One of our engagement pics:)Photo credit: Nature's Grace Photography

One of our engagement pics:)
Photo credit: Nature’s Grace Photography

The typical means of operation for your relationship can get a little discombobulated when free time quickly ceases to exist.  For us, making our rules made for a good exercise in what we really value in our relationship and how to best accommodate it. The rules will obviously be different for every couple, but here is what was set forth by us:

  • Dinner together every night.
  • A weekly date.
  • B has to take out the trash and Manda will handle most other chores (I know, he is TOTALLY winning on this one)
  • Evenly shared Moxley-walking duties. (This works on a sliding scale, sometimes B does more, sometimes I do)

At the downward slide of B’s M2 year, these have pretty well held. Realistically I know these rules will have to be modified, especially with M3 year and rotations right around the corner, but we’ve had a good run of it.

Also, avoid Googling words like “doctor” and “divorce” in combinations. And go home and hug your husband:)

And yes, I did say downward slide of M2. Step 1 is approaching. Any advice fellow MWMSers?

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