The struggles of the rank list

Now that B has matched and the dust has settled, I want to share a little bit about our Match process.

B and I did not agree on what he should list No. 1 on his rank list.

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It makes sense. B did an away rotation at a Top 5 program and loved it. And they liked him and expressed interest in him. All great except the program is in a town that I did not want to live in.

Like, I really didn’t want to.

B ended up ranking some of the more prestigious programs lower. He didn’t even apply at some of the top ranked programs just based on location alone and declined some top program interviews he received after getting more near our desired location. When it came down to brass tacks, location was the number one factor we took into account. B will be completing his residency at a highly ranked program with a great reputation, just not the one he necessarily would be if he was a single guy.

But he’s not.

Here’s the thing: we nearing 30, wanting to start a family in a year or two and proximity to our family is more important now than it has been in the past eight years since we left our state of origin. That coupled with the fact that I’ll still be the primary breadwinner while B is in residency, my job prospects in a given city were given serious weight. We talked and debated and talked and argued and considered and assessed and talked some more. For nearly a month. We ultimately ended up with some form of a consensus. But don’t think I don’t feel guilty about it. Oh no no, many tears were shed on my behalf awash with guilt despite B’s best efforts to try to convince me not to be.  I think a tiny part of me will always feel at least a little guilty about it. But that’s the thing about this crazy match system – we’re all part of the equation.

So stay strong and make your case, med spouses! Just understand that if you’re anything like me, it may come with a side order of guilt.

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